Unpopular opinion: People pleasers don’t make great managers..

We’re all familiar with the typical traits of a people pleaser – you may be one, recovering from being one or know someone close to you who is one. 

Constantly saying “yes” when they’re overwhelmed,  trying at all costs to avoid conflict, putting others needs before their own, overapologising, seeking constant validation and reassurance from others and feeling guilty when they assert their own boundaries. 

I want to discuss the unpopular notion that people pleasers struggle in management. Let's be frank, the innate desire to please surely hinders their leadership effectiveness or could I be mistaken? 

There are so many challenges that we face as leaders, throwing some people pleasing into the mix creates a dance between seeking approval and maintaining managerial authority that nobody talks about. 

Which in turn blurs the line between being a supportive leader and compromising your leadership effectiveness. 

Now let me be very clear, this week’s musing is not to throw call out people pleasers. 

My intention is to discuss an unpopular opinion to open up the conversation and bring awareness to the challenges that people pleasers might face when it comes to managing others. 

Here are some potential difficulties that people pleasers may face and the impact it can have on leadership effectiveness. 

Leave the tough decisions to anyone but me. 

People pleasers often avoid conflict and don’t really fancy making decisions that may upset others. 

As a leader making those tough decisions are inevitable and the fear of not pleasing everyone can get in the way of you making the required decisions and being an effective leader.

Boundaries, what are boundaries? 

We know that to be an effective leader you need to be able to set clear boundaries and expectations with your team. 

People pleasers often find it difficult to establish boundaries with their teams, the lines blur and issues can arise.

I’m reluctant to give constructive feedback. 

As leaders we want to ensure that we are supporting our teams personal and professional growth but with that, it means that we need to ensure that we are providing them with regular feedback. 

People pleasers may find themselves hesitating to provide honest feedback in the fear that it might upset or disappoint their team members. 

Avoid confrontation at all costs. 

Being able to resolve conflict is a vital aspect of leadership and one that causes more harm than good if it is ignored or just left to resolve itself. 

People pleasers may find themselves avoiding confrontation which leads to unresolved issues within the team and a lack of accountability. 

If it’s not a yes, it’s still a yes. 

People pleasers can find themselves struggling to say no, regardless of how much they have on personally and professionally leading to overcommitment and eventually burnout. 

As a leader you take on this role for both yourself and your team, being able to say no when the team is stretched or when you have way too much on your plate is critical to support the schedules and wellbeing of your team and yourself.

Why would I delegate when I can do it myself? 

As leaders we know that delegating tasks is key to ensuring that we don’t overwhelm ourselves or have an underutilised team but sometimes it crosses your mind that you can do it quicker, maybe even better than the team member you’re delegating to. 

For people pleasers, their hesitation to delegate goes one step further. They hesitate in fear of burdening others or appearing too demanding, even though it would be expected in their leadership role.

Does any of the above resonate with your leadership style? 

So often people refer to themselves as people pleasers and think that’s just how I’ve always been but then don’t realise the impact it has on their personal and professional lives and the importance of addressing these challenges. 

The first step to recovering from being a people pleaser is self awareness, then a willingness to develop assertiveness, effective communication and decision making skills. 

I work with professionals, emerging leaders and executives; blending executive coaching principles with life coaching techniques so you can build your self awareness, become an assertive leader who is confident in communicating and making decisions.